Last Sunday’s holy hour was my first since finding out about my molar pregnancy. I have to admit, since I last blogged, I’ve had a couple waves of sadness come over me. I’ve also experienced a sense of dullness in life, I’ve been pretty unmotivated. Food has barely turned me on, planning ahead has been a chore, preparing for Christmas hasn't been appealing. Thank goodness I had a great head start on Christmas planning before I had that fateful OB/GYN appointment last week.
But these dull unmotivated feelings are contrary to the virtue of hope. As I mentioned in my last blog post, Will had a strong inclination to name our baby Hope. Because of that I knew I would begin to study the topic of hope because I was convinced God set me up for it. So one thing I felt motivated to do, finally, was read up on this virtue at my holy hour. God definitely moved me past my frail spiritual infirmities that I was also experiencing along with my dull sense of being and put a little spark into me with what I learned.
The first thing I was moved to do was read over the journal I had started the day I took the positive pregnancy test. It happened to be October 7th which was the Feast of our Lady of the Rosary when I began journaling and here is how it began: “Well, I begin a new, beautiful and joyous chapter in life. It is the Feast of Our Lady of the Rosary. This is a most glorious day to learn, at the age of 41, that I am pregnant again. It is a complete surprise, but I am at peace. I have many concerns but am confident that as the days of the blooming of new life proceed that Jesus and Mary and all the Saints in Heaven are with me. My angels, God the Father and the Holy Spirit are firmly on my side.”
I think most of that paragraph sums up how I felt the whole time I thought I was pregnant. I actually realize that it was a genuine sentiment of Hope! This was confirmed to me as I searched the Catholic Catechism for what it had to say about hope at my holy hour. Paragraph 2657 says: “The Holy Spirit, who instructs us to celebrate the liturgy in expectation of Christ’s return, teaches us to pray in hope. Conversely, the prayer of the Church and personal prayer nourish hope in us. The psalms especially, with their concrete and varied language, teach us to fix our hope in God: “I waited patiently for the Lord; he inclined to me and heard my cry.” Ps 40:2. St. Paul prayed: “May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope.” Rom 15:13Paragraph 2658 begins: “Hope does not disappoint us, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts by the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.” Rom 5:5.
After contemplating what I had written and then finding the above scripture passages I am truly comforted after the sadness I have experienced. My own words and those passages confirm to me, yet again, that God is with me at every step no matter the outcome. And though I was not with child, I was completely impregnated with God’s Hope that filled me with his joy and peace.
May you also be filled with hope and excited anticipation this advent, for the coming of baby Jesus this Christmas! And may you hope and rejoice at his second coming when he will fulfill his promise of everlasting peace and joy to those who love him!!
"Joy Battista" stands for the Joy of John the Baptist at the presence of Christ.
"And how have I deserved that the mother of my Lord should come to me? For behold, the moment that the sound of thy greeting came to my ears, the babe in my womb leapt for joy." Luke 1:43-44
This blog is dedicated to all who seek the Joy of Christ's presence in their own lives.
This blog is also dedicated to the unborn, for John the Baptist was an unborn when he leapt for joy at the presence of Jesus who was also unborn at the time.