I’ve missed writing on my blog for about a week and a half now. Last week was to be an exciting week for me starting with hosting Thanksgiving in my home for my side of the family and then traveling across the State to visit Will’s parents the Friday after Thanksgiving. And then I was to head off to Milwaukee, Wisconsin on Monday with my three year old Daniel to help my sister and her new baby for a week.
The only thing that happened was that I hosted my families Thanksgiving dinner. Daniel woke up with a fever and cough Friday morning and we made the decision that I should stay home with him for the weekend while Will went ahead and took the older three children to see his parents.
All along I had planned on finally revealing to all my friends and family, upon my return from Milwaukee, that I was three months pregnant. My big announcement would happen after I got to spend time with my sister and her newborn. Surely this would put me in the mood for a baby! But God changed my plans again and on Monday morning when I went in for what was to be a twelve week appointment with the OB/GYN I found out that there was no heartbeat and no baby! I experienced a molar pregnancy. Here is the definition I pulled off the internet:
What is a molar pregnancy?
A molar pregnancy happens when tissue that normally becomes a fetus instead becomes a growth, called a mole, in your uterus. Even though it is not an embryo, a mole triggers symptoms of pregnancy.
What causes a molar pregnancy?
Molar pregnancy is thought to be caused by a problem with the genetic information of an egg or sperm. There are two types of molar pregnancy: complete and partial.
Complete molar pregnancy: an egg with no genetic information is fertilized by a sperm. The sperm grows on its own, but it can only become a lump of tissue. It cannot become a fetus. As this tissue grows, it looks a bit like a cluster of grapes. This cluster of tissue is called a mole, and it can fill the uterus.
Partial molar pregnancy: an egg is fertilized by two sperm. Normally this creates twins. But in a partial molar pregnancy, something goes wrong. The placenta grows into a mole instead. Any fetal tissue that forms is likely to have severe defects.
While at the doctor’s appointment on Monday I had an ultra sound to find out why we couldn’t hear a heart beat. There was no heart beat because we couldn’t see a baby. So I was scheduled for a D&C the following Wednesday to clean out my uterus. I still don’t know if I had a complete or partial molar pregnancy.
I now await test results from the tissue to see if there were any cancer cells in it. In that case, life will take on another twist. I am told that cancer is very rare so am crossing my fingers and praying for an all clear. I will for sure have to continue being monitored for HCG levels in my blood for at least a year to make sure nothing grows back.
This, I guess, has been another lesson to show me that God is in control and that I will just have to go for the ride of all his twists and turns in life. I don’t know what his plans are for me next, I just pray that he gives me the strength and wisdom to trust in his divine providence no matter what his plan is.
As for my emotional feelings, I was only slightly sad at first, but not heartbroken, especially since it appeared that there simply was no baby, just symptoms of pregnancy. My feelings, I'm sure, would be different if this was a first or second pregnancy and if I was lots younger (I'm 41). When I took my positive home pregnancy test back in October I was truly at peace and had a feeling of joy with the result, yet nervous as to the future and the health of myself and baby. But those fears have mostly subsided and I'll move on with a fresh outlook of what adventures God has in store for me now.
Will was shocked that there was no heartbeat. He was originally shocked at the positive pregnancy test too but had come to fully accept that we would have another baby. Towards the end of October he had called me from work one day and told me, "I know what we will name the baby! Hope!" Something he saw lead him to that name and he was inspired. So, if indeed we had an early conception that didn't go anywhere but Heaven, we have a beautiful name for the soul, Hope. I'd venture to warn you, I'll probably have a blog post or two about the virtue of Hope in the future. It only seems natural to move on to Hope, after all my writings on Peace.
I "Hope" this finds you doing well, and I "Hope" you had a wonderful Thanksgiving and are having a blessed Advent!
"Joy Battista" stands for the Joy of John the Baptist at the presence of Christ.
"And how have I deserved that the mother of my Lord should come to me? For behold, the moment that the sound of thy greeting came to my ears, the babe in my womb leapt for joy." Luke 1:43-44
This blog is dedicated to all who seek the Joy of Christ's presence in their own lives.
This blog is also dedicated to the unborn, for John the Baptist was an unborn when he leapt for joy at the presence of Jesus who was also unborn at the time.